If grading were this easy....

Enjoy the joke from:
http://funnyjokes4me.blogspot.com/search/label/Teacher%20Jokes


A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."

Check out this! Wow!

Free your inner Geek Girl! Come to GeekGirlCon in Seattle this October 8 & 9, 2011 at the Seattle Center Northwest Rooms and EMP Museum to laugh, learn, and connect. All geeks welcome!

                  http://www.geekgirlcon.com/

GeekGirlCon is a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting awareness of and celebrating the contribution and involvement of women in all aspects of the sciences, science fiction, comics, gaming and related Geek culture through conventions and events that emphasize both the historic and ongoing contribution and influence of women in this culture. We are having our first annual convention on October 8th and 9th at the Seattle Center Northwest Rooms in 2011.

Sure feels like this somedays....

TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested? 

HAROLD:     A teacher 

Letters of Apology

Being a substitute teacher can be challenging to say the least. Here are some notes from STUDENTS (who need a bit of proofreading) who realize their behavior was less than conducive to learning, and who have a unique way of saying so:

"I am sorry for given you a bad time and for lying to you to make you go crazy."

"I know I or we should of just telling you the truth. I know that you are thinking about being a teacher but with this it looks like you are going to change your mind.  But I am sorry about this because I would to see you as a teacher here."

"I am sorry for misbehaving and I promise we won't do anything that you said we did again. We won't be anymore trouble, and you won't have anymore problems with us."

I can start trying 2 change by behaving. By I guess just staying quiet. And doing my work. And to settle down. And not getting up."

"I just want to let you know that I am sorry for given you a bad day today when your are soposto be having a good day. Again I am sorry for this and have a good day and Happy Halloween."

"I apologize if I lied to you. I hope you can forgive me for my missbehavior. I promise you that I will behave. Also I will make these last two weeks that you'll be with us an unforgettable experience..."





 

Question: What is the Hardest part of Teaching?

Here are some intriguing answers that come from teachers around the country of varying ages, grades and subject matter:

“The hardest part of teaching is keeping up my enthusiasm when some of my students show little interest in the subject matter. I really can't understand why anyone wouldn't find dangling participles absolutely fascinating.”

            “The politics. And usually the people who become administrators were the worst teachers.”

“I echo "politics" for all levels of teaching. When I was in the middle school classroom (at a private school), the worst part for me was the parents who felt that because they "paid" for their child to be there, they could then control everything in the classroom, down to what seat their child sat in.”

“I agree about the politics. That's actually one of the biggest reasons why I didn't go into teaching lower grades (even with the degree). So far, the college scene has been far less political--at least as an in and out adjunct.

The hardest part of teaching--balancing my time and other jobs with grading 10pg + papers.”

“The politics and BS are the reasons I retired this year instead of next year. The nonsense. Oh, the nonsense.”

“Teaching different abilities. I teach design and writing classes, and I get students from the low to high end and everywhere in between...and balancing out who needs extra help and who needs to be challenged can be challenging at times.”

 “The "entitled" generation: as the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." I've found that in addition to the other daily struggles in the education field (i.e. politics) I've fought to collect assignments, gain attention, etc. from my students. They feel that school is their social time. I remember as a student that I had days when class was boring, yet I always had a willingness to learn. I never dared to disrespect a teacher (even if I didn't care for them), refuse to take or finish a test, or even fail to submit my homework. I worked hard in school, and I wish that I could see more of that drive today.”

“I have several "hardest" parts. First, I'll agree with the "entitled" generation. Back when I went to college, it was an honor. Not a right.

Second, there are the students that you can't figure out how they got as far as they have with absolutely no skills whatsoever. In a Masters program, you would think the students have at least a working understanding of grammar, spelling, and punctuation. However, every semester, I see a few that are functionally illiterate.

However, I think the hardest part is forming a bond with the students who really are gifted, the ones who really "get it," and then watching them leave. Having to bring in a whole new set of students, whom you know will never measure up to the last class, and waving goodbye while the last class gets on with their lives. That's the hardest part. We all have the students that we absolutely love. And it's tough to watch them go.”

‎            "1)Parents

‎2) Shoddy reform

3) Meaningless data used to punish and not improve

‎4) The inability to poke out the eyes of children who refuse to pause and think. If I could just get one eye, they'd think twice and we'd all be able to see the super thoughtless coming from a mile away.

Maybe that last one was too harsh.

5) People who blame my union for the end of the world. People who think my union is just there to make sure I'm overpaid. People who think that my tenure is meaningless.

6) The boxes of discs they expect you to use with your curriculum. When you open them, you realize they are just space-age dittos and fill-in-the-blank packet machines.
7) I don't mind the entitled thing. We all thought the universe spun in tight circles around us when we were young. It's really the rest of us who LET them keep this notion alive: parents, teachers, coaches, media. If we are all special in our own special way, then none of us really are that special. Instead, can't we be interrelated and responsible for the world? Just a thought."

“You know, every June, I become very morose when I think of losing my kids. But then every year I get another great set. :-)”

"The piles of paperwork that take over my life and the lives of my students."

“The hardest part of teaching was realizing that I cannot be divided by 150 (or number that you are teaching each term) to "save" as many as I can. Save them from ignorance, from unkind people, from lack of motivation, from the absence of inspiration.”

“The hardest part of being a substitute is realizing that despite the kids liking you, they really want their "real" teacher back. Which was a good thing. Made me regret not being a "real" teacher, but I'd passed that fork in the road long ago. I am glad I had 15 years of helping those teachers who needed more than a babysitter while they were gone. :-)”

“Perfect timing, Danielle. I just completed a distance course entitled: Preventing Burnout, which helped me to identify some of the things that have affected my enjoyment of my teaching life. 

The first is the systemically poor method of recognition. In my state, I will never be recognized with a gift, bonus or raise, because we are paid on a scale. That means I will NEVER make a penny more than the least effective teacher with the same number of years of experience and education level. Maybe that shouldn't bother me, but it does.

The second issue is the public attitude that we are almost always wrong, and that "their little one" or "the student him or herself" (see entitled comments above) could not possibly deserve a failing grade; ergo, it must be our grading system, et al. This includes people's attacks on the union. True, all unions need a reality check in this day and age, but we cannot be simply ignored.

The third and probably most significant issue is our depth of caring. If we could truly leave school at school, our lives would be fabulous. No more packing extra granola bars in our briefcase for Johnny who comes to school hungry. No more skipping our own lunch to help Suzie who didn't do her homework and must stay in at recess to complete it. No more fielding requests by students who are trying to juggle parenthood, illness, accidents, multiple jobs and schoolwork who need extra time, extra help, extra exemptions, extra credit. This means we never, ever have a "safe zone"--not at school, not in public, not at home.

That's burnout. Still, if we didn't want to be in a helping profession, we wouldn't have chosen teaching. I think the truest answer to addressing the difficulty of our profession is to identify the need for frequent--even if unpaid-- sabbaticals. Clearing our own minds and re-balancing the work/life scale is essential to maintaining our enthusiasm. “

           “I could ditto much of the above; I will add fruitless administrative tasks, meetings, bean-counting that eat up time that could be used in developing better lesson plans or better supporting students.”

            "The hardest part of teaching? Everyone--including me--thinking that if I don't do it all right, the world is going to hell in a hand basket. The truth is if I do a reasonably good job a reasonably good amount of time, my students will learn a reasonably good amount of material which will contribute to them having a reasonably good life...at least that is what I am telling myself these days as I stare at the unreasonable amount of work staring back at me."

Please, tell me again why we're doing this....

"The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education."

                                   Martin Luther King, Jr.

Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow firm there, firm as weeds among stones.
                                  Charlotte Bronte
 

  

"What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the soul."

                                   Joseph Addison

"I never cut class. I loved getting As. I liked being smart. I liked being on time. I thought being smart is cooler than anything in the world. You, too, with these values, can control your own destiny. You, too, can pave the way."

                                  Michele Obama

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. 

                                  Daniel J. Boorstin

"Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom."

                                  George Washington Carver

The Barriers of Language Broken with a Smile: Lessons Taught

A teacher shares life on the border:

My class and I were reviewing homonyms, which then led to a discussion about Spanish words that students often put into their English writing because of the similarity to English words. One of the Spanish words discussed was “embarazada,” which means pregnant. We all agreed that sometimes Spanish speaking students use “embarazada” mistakenly for the English word “embarrassed.”

“Here is an example of using the Spanish word ‘embarazada’ incorrectly,” I said. “I was very embarazada when I fell.” Or course the intent of the sentence was to mean: I was very embarrassed when I fell.

The students began to laugh. I realized that this would be a great opportunity to joke around a little bit while sharing a few tidbits of my personal life to drive home the day's lesson. 
“Although, you can be very ‘embarazada’ when you fall.”

 My students looked at me skeptically, questioning my reasoning.

           I began my story. “I was actually eight-months pregnant with twins when I went to check my mail and without even tripping on anything, I just fell right over into the street! So yes, I was very embarazada when I fell!”

           I could see mouths open, smiles, and I even heard a few dramatic gasps. I continued to tell them how I couldn’t get up, so I just gave in and was hanging out, lying down in the street. I was mortified (good chance for introducing new vocabulary words) for one thing. And I was too heavy and wanted to avoid the embarrassment of trying to roll around until I could get up. So, of course, as I heard a car coming I thought, Oh, please God, don’t let the driver run me over! Please let the driver see me. (Yes, my students found that humorous.)

            I told my class how a man pulled over and got out and asked if I were okay. I said yes, but when he saw me not getting up, he asked if I could.

“Yes,” I meekly replied, just wishing he would leave me alone in my shame.

“Well do it,” he said.

So I moved from my side onto my back and when my jacket fell to the side, of course, there was a huge beach ball!            

The man said, “Oh ma’am!” He ran to get his son out of the car.

As I told this story, my students laughed hysterically as I re-enacted one man and one teenage boy each taking my hands, bracing themselves, and grunting (of course I was exaggerating just a little bit) as they tried to get this big belly pulled up.

            By this point, my students were laughing so hard that some were wiping tears. Some were sharing pregnancy stories, and some wanted to know what happened next. We didn’t take but a few minutes to get through all of this, but it made such an impact on the class.

            Proper clarification was made, and we continued on with our lesson, but it was one point for the teacher, with a smiling class, some continued chuckles, and a completely different atmosphere. 

Can you relate? :>)

You Might Be a teacher if...
        you have no time for a life from August to June.

        you believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

     

        you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free."

        you want to slap the next person who says, "Those who can't make it in the real world teach."

        you believe "Extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

        you believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report card.

        you know more than a hundred good reasons for being late.

        you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

        when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

        you refer to adults as "boys and girls."

        you've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never Dream" of doing your job.

       meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?" 

        you don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

       you find humor in other people's stupidity.

       you believe chocolate is a food group.

       you can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

       you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

       you believe in aerial Prozac spraying.

       you believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

       you believe no one should be allowed to be an administrator without having taught in an elementary, middle school, and high school setting for the last 10 years.

       you know you are in for a major project when a parent (or your dean) says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss."

       you want to choke the next person who says, "Oh, you must have such Fun everyday. This must be like playtime for you."

       http://www.lotsofjokes.com/youre_teacher.asp 

       http://www.workjoke.com/teachers-jokes.html 
       anonymous

Featured Teacher--One of Danielle's fabulous mentors

Timons Esaias is a satirist, poet and short fiction writer, living in Pittsburgh. His fiction has appeared in fourteen languages, and his poetry has been translated into Spanish, Swedish and Chinese. His poetry chapbook The Influence of Pigeons on Architecture is in its second edition. He has been a finalist for the British Science Fiction Award, and won the Asimov's Readers Award. 

He teaches at Seton Hill University, and is one of the best mentors on the planet. 

His website is www.timonsesaias.com.

His story "The Right Thing" has just appeared in Czech.

http://fanzine.topzine.cz/sci-fi-povidka-timons-esaias-spravna-vec

Congratulations, Tim!

Words Surely Matter

A teacher reminds us that what we say really makes a difference:

I had just acquired a young Russian man about a month earlier as a student. He was doing well and was a hard worker. Having finished his university studies and gotten his first real apartment he was excited. He wanted to improve his English as well as his chances for a better job. It was evident that he wasn't happy with his job.

In our conversations--as happens with most of my students--I said to him, "I don't care what kind of work you do. Just make sure you like what you do. No matter what it is, you will be successful." I mentioned that this was something I had repeatedly said to my sons.

A couple of weeks later he called me and asked if he could come over and talk to me. Not for a lesson, just to talk. I said yes.

When he arrived he said, "I've been thinking a lot about what you said, about doing what makes you happy. I don't like what I've been doing. So I'm going back to school to do what I want. I will have to quit my English classes, and I wanted to let you know."

You couldn't smack the smile off my face.

I was so proud of him, even if I did lose a student.

We have to remember that--as teachers--everything we say can be taken seriously by our students.

Words have much power.
                                                                             
                                                                     anonymous

When fake lives take over....

Online "living" can sure be a distraction for our students, especially when we've got laptops as part of our learning. Read how one teacher uses humor--with firmness--to handle the pull of these computer-game worlds:

ME, to the student on a laptop--who is clearly not being productive: Stop playing FarmVille.

STUDENT: It's not FarmVille. . . . . It's College Town.

ME: Don't care.

STUDENT: But it's a really fun game, Miss M. You should play it.

ME: Really? What can I do? Can I assign homework and give out Fs? Oh wait! I get to do that ...in real life!

STUDENT: Hahaha. You're funny.

ME: I know I am. Now close your laptop.

I always remember that fondly. That particular student and I had some good tit-for-tat at times. All good-natured, of course. ^_^

                                                                                                    anonymous

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